My brief encounter with agnosticism (described in my last post) was short-lived. And the reason why is simple. I kept finding God. Or I should say, God kept finding me. He didn’t need a preacher to preach Him back to me. He didn’t do it with an altar call with softly playing emotional music in the background. And I didn’t have some larger-than-life come-to-Jesus moment. The fact is that I found God in everything that was good and perfect in my life.
I found Him in the loving, supportive friendships that have blessed my life immensely. I found Him in fellowship over good food and long talks late into the night. I found Him on long drives and stopping to have solo picnics in random green spaces. I found Him in the calm that settled me during times of prayer, meditation, and contemplation. I found Him in the peace that was a constant in times of doubt and questioning.
I found Him in the skate boarding adventures and belly laughs with my niece Rochelle. I found Him in the brush of leaves on the tall trees along my hiking path. I found Him in the way my supervisor valued and appreciated my contributions at work. I found Him in the gratitude of clients whose lives were being changed. I found Him in the little blessings—the parking space, the stranger’s smile, bubble tea from Chatime, and the tickle of grass on my bare feet.
I found Him in heart shaped clouds and ladybugs that kept showing up all through the summer of 2015. I found Him in my quiet times. I found Him in sunrises and sunsets. I found Him in the serenity of the wildflowers that grew along the side of the road. I found Him every time I stopped to gaze up into the starry night sky. I found Him in how my Mississauga family loved, accepted, and cared for me.
I found Him in the new found freedom that I felt. I found Him in “my yoke is easy and my burden is light”. I found Him in the “unforced rhythms of grace”. I found Him in recognizing the sacredness of the present moment. And as I write this, I find Him in the tears that fill my eyes as I think about how overwhelmingly good He has been to me.
I found Him.
I believe in a loving and merciful Father. One whom I can call “Abba! Daddy!” One who sees me as daughter and delights in me. His ways are higher. His thoughts are deeper. I don’t need proof of His existence. I’m okay with not knowing because having faith doesn’t mean having all the answers. In Him I live and move and exist.
When I love my neighbor, He is there. When I bless my enemy, He is there. When I give water to a thirsty person, He is there. When I smile at a stranger, He is there. When I care for the planet, He is there. When I hug a friend, when I affirm and value people, when I encourage another soul, He is so close. When I allow my heart to be broken for what breaks His, He is glorified in me. When I question and doubt and wrestle, He leans in.
Let me not end without telling you where I didn’t find Him. I didn’t find Him in the people who kept wagging their fingers and waving their Bibles in my face. I didn’t find Him in their admonishments and accusations of rebellion and backsliding. I didn’t find Him in the four walls of any type of exclusive organization, including the church. I didn’t find Him in the popular Christian one-liners and judgmental jabs floating around on social media. I didn’t find Him in “love the sinner, hate the sin”. I found Him in love. Period.
God will always and ever only be found in love. Because He is love. He loves us, and his love enables us to love ourselves and love others. And the invitation to “taste and see” that He is good still stands. It is not an invitation to sin less, but an invitation to love more. It is an invitation to accept the finished work of the cross, to make room for mercy and throw the welcome mat for grace. Because it is always God’s kindness that leads to a change of heart. Because mercy always triumphs over judgement. And because love conquers all.
“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39
May you find Him today in all that is truly good. May you open your heart to His magnificent love. May you come to know how much your Father takes pleasure in you, His precious child.
Grace and peace to you my dearly beloveds.